There seems to be a lot of fruits bearing from the insecurity tree and I’m sure there are many more but where do our insecurity plants come from and how can we get rid of them!?
As I’m sure you’re aware our insecurities begin from a very young age and are continuously growing and planting anew throughout our lives. Some insecurities plant without our knowledge or even control – perhaps as a small child we experienced something negative from a loved one that made us feel rejected but at the time we didn’t have the ability to reason or understand that feeling we simply assumed their was something wrong with us and an insecurity about relationships was planted in our minds without us knowing! Perhaps when you were older you remember someone saying that you were ugly or fat – you accepted it as true and planted an insecurity about your body inside your mind. The trouble is that any new comment or event in our lives that supports our insecurities adds a new branch and allows the insecurities to grow bigger and bigger. For example I had an insecurity about my skin colour from a young age it was quite different to most of my family’s and I had no exotic heritage to attach it to I felt different and no explanation as to why. Then as people started to ask me where I was ‘from’ my insecurity about my skin colour became bigger because people could see it too; soon I began to take offense if people asked me because it brought the insecurity to the forefront of my mind and made me uncomfortable! Someone commented on my ‘dirty’ tummy button once so I spent a long time that evening scrubbing and scratching layers of skin off my tummy button causing it to become red raw. I tried to keep my tummy covered at all times. Thankfully it’s not an insecurity I have now I am older but at one time it was something that spent time eating away at my confidence. It’s easy to grow an insecurity plant and feed off its produce but it’s not easy to get rid of it once it’s taken root that’s the BIG challenge.
So how can we get rid of these insecurities without causing further harm to ourselves. Some turn to drink, drugs of food to deal with their insecurities all which lead to further damage and usually feed the insecurity rather than kill it. It requires something much more organic. It requires patience, strength, love and a firm solid rock! We all have insecurities and most of us would have had them for a long time, so long that they have become a part of us; hidden within our nature but it doesn’t belong.
- First comes the hard bit – you have to find them – seek them out and learn what they are. This is hard because it’s uncomfortable; you have to re-live the moments that first planted your insecurities and the moments that fed them; you have to be honest with yourself and fess up to things that have taken over. During this moment it’s essential that you don’t allow the fruit of shame to feed you into avoiding this part of the process.
- Secondly comes the uncomfortable but nice bit – seeking truths about yourself that counteract your insecurities. For example:
Insecurity VS Truth I’m a bad mum VS kids say “I love you!” I’m a failure VS your daily achievements I’m ugly VS you’re beautiful I’m unloveable VS friends and family you have I’m different VS I’m unique and one of a kind
- Thirdly before you automatically respond to something stop and question whether you are allowing your insecurities to take charge – am I angry because i’m insecure or because I’m justified? Is that person really better of than me or am I feeling insecure about this area of my life?
- Finally find someone who your hope can cling to where even if your insecurities all became true and real you’d have a hope and something to live for. For me I find this solid rock in Jesus – someone who has been through it all – someone who knew what it was to be fully secure in who he was – someone who is permanent without His own insecurities and who has a perfect and complete love for me. I may at times forget to cling to this rock and I allow myself to fall back but He is always right back there when I need him.
Have you got some insecurity plants who have taken over and produced far too much if it’s nasty fruit? It’s time to chop it down!